I remember January 1st, 2015 like it was yesterday. 2014 was one wild ride. An emotional roller coaster filled with the best of the best and the worst of the worst. I was determined to find tranquility in 2015…my soul depended on it. Never one to focus on “a word” for the year, yet “a word” kept slapping me in the face:
This was all on me. My focus was completely out of whack and it needed readjusted immediately. You see, where you invest your time, your heart, your soul should fill you back up in a way that keeps you going every single day. Those investments should not lead to feelings of being overwhelmed, undervalued or the worst, resentful. My words to myself became unkind and my eyes would show me ugly.
I did not find myself in that place because of work, a relationship or an event. This hell hole reserved for me was dug by me. And the way out was clear as day.
As a woman I have that common habit of trying to do it all. Never saying no. Always trying to “fix it”. I was bending over backwards for work, friends, this blog yet not investing that same effort in the people I shared my home with. (Ugh, even now it feels like a punch in the gut to type that out into words.) Investing my 100% self into Sticky, Jettie and Bingham returns a dividend to my soul that is immeasurable.
Did I spend 2015 ignoring the world and only focusing on me and my family? Of course not. But they came second to nothing and I never once felt guilt for it. I filled their cups and they filled mine back up 10 fold.
Then the most amazing thing happened. Anything I did for work or anyone outside of the 4 of us filled me with the sort of joy I was so desperately seeking before I rearranged my priorities. How wonderful for that to work out the way it did.
Since the whole “focus on a word” thing worked out for me in 2015, I can’t help but give it a go again this year. Except I’ve got 2 slapping me in the face this time around:
If you have followed the blog the last few months you know about my postpartum physical issues and relentless back pain. If you have been a follower since the beginning you also know my deep desire to take care of myself, which includes physical fitness. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to feeling derailed by my current condition. Not being able to get into shape the way that I have always known is incredibly frustrating, yet it’s just another excuse to not do it unless I find a way to remove the frustration from my head.
As cliche as it may seem, my health is a priority this year. I say health over exercise because taking care of oneself goes far beyond exercise. More than anything it is the promise you make to your own soul to be kinder, and more mindful of this body you have been blessed to occupy. I vow patience in learning how to exercise my way back to fitness. And the understanding that there will be adjustments to what works from here on out.
Eating better, resting more peacefully and breathing are on the docket as well. Sounds simple enough yet I am fully aware this will be a challenge. One worth every ounce of my effort.
As for the second word…2015 welcomed a new business venture for Sticky as well as unexpected growth in this blog and even more so, my etsy shop. This was all very exciting for us. Driven by our goals and passions the thrill of it was exhilarating. Of course we were busier but we still made it a priority to spend time as a family and our kids truly seem happy.
There has been a victim in the success and that role lies in our home. The sanctuary that is suppose to make us feel safe and warm. Where stress magically releases from ones shoulders at first foot in. Our sanctuary felt more dark and tense with each passing day. Slowly but surely the attention stolen from it turned into negative attention towards it.
This old, beautiful girl deserves better. Our kids deserve better. We deserve better. It’s as simple as that. Living in the piles of clutter, unfinished projects and dusty corners are not acceptable.
I am okay with untidiness, we have kids after all and there are million other things I’d rather do before OCD-ing the crap out of my home. But every person has a breaking point and mine has been reached. I will spend 2016 focusing on the sanctuary that is our gorgeous home. We are lucky to be a part of her story for this short time we have on earth, and we don’t want to be the chapter that she is most embarrassed by.
The image above is of our dining room’s new chalkboard…it’s placed on a wall that I am trying to fill in a beautiful yet functional way. Feels incredible to have it installed on 01.01.16. Now I just need to fit a workout in and I’ll be on my way to a successful first day of the year.
Cheers to this wondrous day (that could really be any day of the year as long as you’re committed to making a positive change in your life)!