{28 weeks} A Letter to Locke…

My sweet Locke,

We’ve made it to 28 weeks.  It’s been 10 weeks since your diagnosis, 10 weeks of grieving, healing and learning to walk this path.  10 weeks of loving you, learning about you, feeling you grow.  You have certainly developed a personality, and we figure you out a little more every day.  You are strong, you like to keep your little feet nestled snuggly in my ribs (only on the right side).  You enjoy peanut butter and when your sister sings you her loudest rendition of “rock-a-bye baby”.  You kick your buddy Bingham when I hold him, and get really shy when Nanny wants to feel you.  Some days everything seems so normal, your kicks convince me you are healthy.. that everything will be fine.  But then some small moment creates a crack in my fairytale, and reality walks back in.  I protectively wrap my arms around my stomach, as if there is something I can sheild you from.. but I can’t.


I look at your ultrasound pictures several times every day, wondering what you have planned for us.  These 10 weeks somehow feel like a lifetime, you and I– we have grown by leaps and bounds.  You have taught me how to dance the thin line of grief and joy, and about how precious the gift of time is in this delicate life.  All of the excess has been gracefully washed away.. for 10 weeks we have stared blatantly into our own hearts, searching for grace and peace.  And grace and peace we have found, thanks to you, my little boy.

Your sister has many ideas of what kind of brother she is getting.  “A tiny one”, she says.  When I tell her that you are sick, and may not get to stay, her only concern is if God has diapers for you in Heaven, and that she can feed you before you go.  Oh, my heart.  She loves to read you stories, and tickle you in hopes that you will get the hiccups.  I can feel her love for you, a special bond you two will always share.  Her baby brother. 


I don’t know how long I get to carry you, or how long you will stay with us once you are here- but I do know that my heart will carry you indefinately.  You will never leave my mind, your tiny fingerprints will be stamped on every part of our life.  My son, my unflickering light in a world of darkness.  You will always be mine. 


All my love,




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6 Responses to {28 weeks} A Letter to Locke…

  1. Casey says:

    I look forward to reading your posts every time there is a new one and you never cease to bring tears to my eyes and tug at my heartstrings. There are so many people out there praying for your family, and so many people you have touched with your story. People reading a story about family that they may not even know, a little boy who’s life will forever be etched in the back of their minds. This little guy has already done so much in his life, and he’s not even here yet. May you never lose your faith in the Lord. He is good all the time. You may not understand now, but give it time, he will show you. Thank you for sharing your story with us all. God Bless.
    Psalm 33:22
    May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you.

    • prettyplainjanes says:

      Casey, Thank you so much for following our journey and praying with us! We have been so blessed to be surrounded by so much support and it has truly made this all bearable.

  2. Shelley Adam says:

    Dear Sweet Shannon & Josh, I always hesitate to read your posts because I know the tears will flow and yet I cannot let that deter me. I’m always glad that I did read it. Tonight, I placed my hand upon your precious Locke and prayed over him, you, Josh & his sister. I knew not else what to do, but at that moment it was enough.

    Love Eternally, Shelley

  3. Alison Lyon says:

    I’ve never met you but I knew Brandy in high school and I love reading your blog. I just wanted to say thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your story. Your courage to share your story, your joy, your sorrow and your faith has helped to bring a little bit of clarity to me about what’s really important. Thank you for choosing to spread a little light and to be honest about your feelings. You bring me to tears every time I read a post, but I leave feeling hopeful in God’s grace. Certainly if you can yield to it to any degree during this time, I could too.
    Thank you,

    • prettyplainjanes says:

      Ali, Your comment brought me so much joy. The light coming from this dark time in our life is made so much brighter by people like you, sharing in our grief and faith. Thank you for reading our story, and following the blog!