{23 weeks} unspeakable love


“There is a sacredness in tears.  They are not the mark of weakness, but of power.  They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.  They are messangers of overwheming grief… and unspeakable love.”  -Washington Irving

23 weeks, and another ultrasound.  The profile of a little boy, up on the screen in front of us, his arms up over his face, just the way his sister always looked.  They turn the view so that he is looking right at us, one little arm tucked under his head, as if he is just laying there, looking at us as we look at him.  These images carve their way into my mind, into my heart.  He looks so peaceful, like he is trying to calmly tell us something.  I wish I could curl up next to him, and listen to his heart.  What would he tell me if he could?  What would I tell him?

I would tell him that we want him to stay, but understand if he can not.  That we love him, beyond measure and without boundaries.    I would tell him that he is everything his daddy wanted in a first son, and how brave we know he is.  I would tell him about the lives he has knitted together here on earth, the love he has taught us all.  I would tell him that in these months that I have carried him, he has carried me. 

The reality of these ultrasounds is that regardless of what the doctors can tell us, there is so much that we cannot see.  A healthy heart does not hold any promises.  We are in the midst of a plan that only God knows.  I am wrestling with the frustration of the unknown.  The depth of this pain is not comparable to any pain I have ever known, this journey is so hard.  There are so many possible outcomes, none of which we will know for certain until he is here.  The balance of hope and acceptance is a thin line to walk.  We are so hopeful, we truly are.  But we also know the facts.  We have read the statistics, we know the challenges that we are facing.  We have accepted that God’s plan does not have to be understood, and that sometimes there are miracles, and sometimes you instead are handed grace and peace. We trust that with our whole hearts, our God is good.

These stories of heartbreak all seem to have the same silver lining.  Love that God intended us to have.. community that He intended us to be part of.  How blessed we are to know that love, firsthand.  In a world filled with sadness and evil it is so easy to forget the power of prayer.  The power of community.  The power of love.


I have been so moved by every single stranger that has approached me, with tear filled eyes, to hug me and tell me that they are praying for our little boy.  Every card, every hug, every prayer is healing our hearts.  Thank you.

With love,





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15 Responses to {23 weeks} unspeakable love

  1. Lisa says:

    You are beyond beautiful in and out. This special little soul is in the best of hands in all that surrounds him.

  2. jordanne Clyde says:

    Beautiful, Shannon, just Beautiful!!!

  3. You are amazing, keep writing, keep sharing, keep trusting, keep loving, keep praying but most of all, keep BELIEVING: in God, in love, in the soul that is connected to yours in ways we will never imagine on this human journey. We are all there with you. Love, Aunt Ness

  4. Heidi Smith says:

    You are just incredible. We will continue to pray. Written so authentically!

  5. Laine Gutierrez says:

    Shan, thank you for sharing your love story of your sweet little boy! It is uplifting and candidly written. We are blessed by you and your little man and the story you have to share. Prayers will continue for you and your family! xoxo

  6. Patricia Triplett says:

    What a beautiful heartfelt story, one that has touched my heart! I continue to pray for you and your family, and my thoughts go out to all of you! May God Bless you and keep all of you in his safe hands!

  7. Shelley Adam says:

    Tears. Prayers. Love.

  8. I just wanted to say the English Family from Antwerp, Ohio is praying for you both.
    Words cannot express what you and your family is going thru right now.

  9. Theresa Robideau says:

    Your strength and perception are remarkable. Your words relate your journey so impeccably well that it makes my heart just ache. Once again, God Bless You! I will keep each of you in my thoughts and prayers.

  10. sandi rammel says:

    Your sharing is sooo courageous. Your writing eloquent-touching every soul in it’s sincerity. We are thinking about the 4 of you often and always within a prayer. Brandy and Nick gifted us when they introduced the Maxeys to our family. When it seems too tough, know we are holding your hands, sharing our strength and faith.

  11. Sarah Abernethy says:

    We pray for you nightly at our house. Hugs to you.

  12. Amy Covey says:

    Beautiful pictures and words. You all continue to be in our prayers.

  13. Lisa says:

    Shannon, you writing is so beautiful. Your words touch my heart in a way that I can’t describe. I am sending you love and hugs and know you are cherishing every minute with this sweet child. Love to you and Josh and your entire family

  14. Jennifer says:

    We are praying for you all, every day.

  15. Sharon Volk says:

    Prayers, tears and peace.