Before having babies of your own, you invision a moment happening that magically turns you into a mom. I never knew if it was the bundle being handed to you in the hospital, or the moment you saw the positive pregnancy test, or some small moment that happens in between. I used to say that someday my hands would change from “baby hands” to “mom hands”, and boom, I would be a mom. (Unfortunately I am still being daunted by these baby hands.)
It turns out I was wrong. Being a mom doesn’t happen in an instant, it’s no one moment that flips you from what you were to what you become. It’s a series of feelings, emotions, moments, memories.. like a steady stream of water filling your right to your brim, and somehow spilling you over. It’s in the armor that appears when you would usually crumble, when you are faced with decisions, or hard choices.
For Adelynn, it was nights in when everyone else was out. It was tears shed over spilled breastmilk, and learning that I couldn’t control everything. The sight of those deep chocolate eyes exploring the world, and letting go of my fears. It’s simple snuggles on the couch, and the way she folds her hands to pray before bed. It’s a feeling that is renewed every. single. day. A love that never seems to stop growing, even when you feel you couldn’t possibly love someone more. And then more happens, and it’s truly breathtaking.
For this sweet baby it is four simple words. I will carry you. Regardless what the future holds, the only thing I know for certain is the love I feel for you, and it knows no end.
You will always be my first born, my first taste of how unimaginably amazing it is to be a mom. From the moment you opened your eyes I could see the fire, and it couldn’t have made my heart beat faster. Your sense of wonderment and determination has already made me more proud than you will ever know. While I adore that you are indeed a daddy’s girl, there is no denying the natural bond that you and I possess as mother and daughter. With a glance and a smirk it’s there, a secret language no boy could ever understand. What a gift that is to share with you Jeannie. Thank you for introducing me to motherhood. I hope to do you proud baby girl. To make you never forget that all your hopes, dreams and thoughts are worth hoping, dreaming and thinking. And that you, your beauty, is always enough. It’s said a million times over every single day but I truly do love you to the moon and back. Forever, and always. Love, Mommy
Right now it’s just you and me little guy. And I could not love it more. Each day that goes by you somehow burrow your way further and further into my heart. I’ll miss being alone, just the two of us, and dreaming about your world to be. Dreaming about your happiness, your desire to discover all that’s new and how you’ll take it all in. We talk about your daddy and how blessed we both are to have him. We dream about giggles with your sister and pray for play dates with Baby Maxey. Of course I can’t wait to hold you, kiss you and smell your sweet scent but I will very much miss this precious time we have now. Every kick, squirm and twist to be cherished. What a gift it is to carry you inside of me. Thank you, thank you, thank you for simply existing. I love you already sweet boy. All Mine (for now), Mommy
To all the mommies, mommies to be and mommies in spirit we wish you the loveliest of Mother’s Days!